forget happy posts, why should i pretend

Everything is written in the aspect of      true friends-
Yes, I wrote it, I wrote that post of negative things about you, with half of me hoping you would see it. Why? because you were treating me coldly after those few days, and all I want was for your attention whether good or bad. B/c I'd rather you hate me for something I do, than treat me coldly. But no, after you read it you treated me colder than before. I thought you would scold me when I came to school so I could scold back and scream at you and blame you for all my misery, but you didn't.

Attitude
Yes, my attitude played a part in this for being possibly the most egoistic shit you'll ever meet. I admit my attitude is shitty as hell. Yes, I'm self-centred. Yes, I'm selfish. Yes, I'm arrogant. .. It was like, 'since we're in this plight already, why not sink deeper' attitude. This was what triggered me to write it. I don't know why I was born to be a burden to others.

Anger&Jealousy
Yes, I admit I was jealous & envy, obv or I wouldn't have written about her 2. Jealous you've got bettr things to care abt, jealous you've got people to care for you & I don't..& yes I was angry, angry that you didn't care, angry that you told her everything even tho I told you not to. Yeah, maybe that time when you said it was fine I rlly thought you were fine with it. You needed somebody to confide in, so maybe I kinda disregarded your thoughts and feelings then. Seriously I never wanted to hurt you, I didn't mean for you to be backstabbed.

Friend
You may have a lot of friends to wipe your tears, cheer you up and encourage you. But I only have you as my true friend. I'm sorry if I come across as a very clingy person. When you're depressed or down I try not to ask or concern b/c you need your own space. Well I won't be clingy and won't disturb u anymore.

We don't even care abt each other's welfare anymre.
Maybe you've changed. I've changed. Everything's changed and I'm still living in the past.
And for the very last time I'm going to say it since i've already said it a gazillion times.
Sorry, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. Sorry.
You must know that the last thing I will ever do is betray you. I never did, & I never will.  


I know i wouldn't be able to say it to your face b/c im such a coward so i cld only write it down behind a screen. i hope it will explain everyth i rlly wanna say.










EDIT: it's something I brought upon myself, so ignore me, hit me, etc whenever. altho you could've rubbed it in my face i don't understand why you don't.